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New Jersey Family Law Blog

Tips for telling your spouse you want a divorce

Posted by Jay Turnbach | Jan 24, 2020 | 0 Comments

Even when you know that you absolutely want a divorce, you still face a difficult challenge: breaking that news to your spouse. In almost every situation, this is a hard and emotional conversation. How can you make it go smoothly so that you can begin working toward your future, rather than feeling trapped in a marriage you no longer want?

First of all, you absolutely want to pick a time when you have privacy and nearly unlimited time to talk. You don't know how long this is going to take, but you want to be ready to explain yourself, answer questions and have a drawn-out conversation without the pressure of knowing you need to go to work or pick the kids up from school. It can also help to:

  • Send the children to their grandparents
  • Turn off your cellphones
  • Put aside all distractions
  • Avoid important events

Furthermore, you want to think about how your spouse feels about the relationship. Is it clear that divorce is coming? Have they been thinking about it too? Or will they be shocked by this revelation, feeling like it came out of nowhere? If it's a surprise, you want to try to soften the blow and be prepared for them to attempt to talk you out of it.

Finally, be prepared to explain your reasoning. Take some time to work through exactly why you want the divorce so that you're prepared to answer openly and honestly. Try to avoid placing blame on your spouse and just focus on explaining your own position.

As you move toward divorce, make sure you know exactly what legal steps to take

About the Author

Jay Turnbach

Contact Me: 732-908-7630 EMAIL ME Practice Areas Family Law OCEAN COUNTY DIVORCE LAWYER Attorney Jay Turnbach, our Certified Matrimonial Law Attorney, holds a law degree from Rutgers School of Law in Newark, New Jersey, and a bachelor's degree in finance from Fairfield University in Con...


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